Mariners drop a really, really close one / 6-1-09

OAKLAND - The Mariners just can't catch a break, as evidenced by today's 0-0 loss to the A's.

Five Seattle pitchers combined to hold Oakland to five hits and no runs over 16 innings Sunday afternoon, yet the M's were forced to forfeit the game in the middle of the 17th frame when the umpires scientifically determined that the Mariners had a zero percent chance that day of reaching home plate before making three outs.

The low, low final score sets a new major league record for fewest runs scored without use of a soccer ball.

The Elias Sports Bureau believes this is the first case of a team shutting out its opposition yet losing the game.

"More research is needed on this issue," Elias spokesman Guy Ked said. "But we can confirm that the game set a new record for craptastic suckfestiness. No offense."

Following the umpires' controversial ruilng, the Mariners were serenaded off the field by a loud and delirious contingent of A's fans who chanted "So-do No-jo! (clap, clap, clapclapclap) So-do No-jo!" An irate Jose Lopez had to be restrained from charging the crowd, although he did relieve his frustration by swinging at eleven cups of Gatorade in the dugout. All eleven remain standing.

The Mariners wasted a 8-for-9 night by Ichiro, who tripled twice, doubled twice, stole five bases and was stranded at third base seven times. Starter Felix Hernandez gave up two hits and no walks in eight innings and the bullpen allowed four Oakland baserunners the rest of the way, three of those on errors by shortstop Yuniesky Betancourt (0-2 with three walks and four sacrifices).

Third baseman Adrian Beltre saved three runs with a bases-loaded defensive gem in the bottom of the eighth but finished 0-for-9 with seven strikeouts and 24 men left on base. His batting average fell one point.

"We didn't even have to look that one up," Ked said. "Totally a record for LOB. Not even close."

Eight different Mariners were thrown out at the plate in the game. First baseman Russell Branyan, fresh off a 4-for-5, 3-HR night Saturday, had the day off.

Tonight's umpiring crew will determine ten minutes prior to game time, based on the lineup M's skipper Don Wakamatsu turns in, whether the contest will proceed or another forfeit is forcibly declared.

"I'm thinking of hitting Rob Johnson cleanup and putting YuBet in the two hole again," Wakamatsu said.