Stakes On A Plane / 6-8-09

(Dedicated to Val G.)

So, when we're 35,000 feet above the earth, what laws apply? This riddle came up Friday night in between drinks, and this is my pathetic answer to it.

Whilst "researching" my "answer" after a "hard" "day" of "work," the trip across the Internet took me many places. To the BBC magazine, which examined, thoughtfully and Britanically, the lawfulness of joining the Mile High Club. To a Nevada company's effort to install baccarat tables on international flights. To Baby Sasha, born in Canadian airspace on New Year's Day -- apparently, she's a Canadian citizen, imagine that. To the legendary stories of how flight attendants would relieve you of your cocktail when the plane flew over dry parts of Kansas. I got to read sections of the United States Code as exciting as this:

Sec. 7. Special maritime and territorial jurisdiction of the United States defined

(5) Any aircraft belonging in whole or in part to the United States, or any citizen thereof, or to any corporation created by or under the laws of the United States, or any State, Territory, district, or possession thereof, while such aircraft is in flight over the high seas, or over any other waters within the admiralty and maritime jurisdiction of the United States and out of the jurisdiction of any particular State.

(6) Any vehicle used or designed for flight or navigation in space and on the registry of the United States pursuant to the Treaty on Principles Governing the Activities of States in the Exploration and Use of Outer Space, Including the Moon and Other Celestial Bodies and the Convention on Registration of Objects Launched into Outer Space, while that vehicle is in flight, which is from the moment when all external doors are closed on Earth following embarkation until the moment when one such door is opened on Earth for disembarkation or in the case of a forced landing, until the competent authorities take over the responsibility for the vehicle and for persons and property aboard.

(7) Any place outside the jurisdiction of any nation with respect to an offense by or against a national of the United States.

I'm still looking for an ironclad answer, but my brilliant legal mind can deduce that if the plane is registered in the U.S., U.S. law applies from takeoff to landing. As a result, I don't suggest trying to get away with indecent exposure just because you're flying to Rio. (Or to the moon. By the way, the acronym for that treaty cited in subsection (6) goes like this: TPGASEUOSIMOCB. Rolls deliciously right off your tongue.)

This is all well and good for international travel, but let's get practical: Can or can you not engage in Nevada-approved behavior while in Nevadan airspace? On a flight from Sacramento to Salt Lake City, can you hire a prostitute? Can you gamble at cruise altitude? Can you get a quickie wedding?

I mean, my word, can you say "aboot" with a straight face on a flight from Spokane to Calgary?

Those crucial answers are harder to find. It's possible I may not sleep tonight.

(On the other hand, I DID find this, which was humorous, if unrelated.)